I apologize for being absent from the blogosphere for so many months but I took a much-needed break to focus on healing and growth.
One year ago today, we arrived in Jacksonville to start our current adventure. I’m not going to pretend it was all sunshine and butterflies. You can read my last blog post to confirm that. Nicholas and I survived what was probably the hardest year of our marriage so far. We left the place we’ve loved more than anywhere in the world, we started over somewhere where we didn’t want to be. I accidentally flooded our bathroom and bedroom and ruined the brand new flooring Nicholas worked so hard on. After that, we dealt with months of issues surrounding getting our bathroom and bedroom put back together. Nicholas was gone for the holidays. Two of my (four) parents got divorced. I was (and am) in a weird place trying to figure out what I want to do with my life. The coronavirus hit. Our refrigerator died and we had a hard time getting someone out to repair it. Nicholas went on his second deployment since arriving here. Our fur babies had some health issues. In the midst of all of this chaos, I found myself falling back into destructive thought patterns and disordered eating behaviors. It’s been a lot.
However, through all of that, we were not so gently reminded that life doesn’t always look like the perfect little squares we are bombarded with on social media every day. I actively took a step back and spent more time disconnected from social media, and the media in general. I found a really amazing therapist who I look forward to seeing every week. I found a job in run specialty which has introduced me to many like-minded friends. I set a personal record in my marathon time in January. I joined a triathlon team and have started to enjoy open water swimming again. Nicholas and I learned to communicate better and lean on each other through the hard stuff and we’ve come out the other side so much stronger and more appreciative of what we have together. Our house is finally put back together (except for a few projects we still want to tackle but don’t NEED to do immediately). And I can finally say that Jacksonville feels like home.
It took me a while to start appreciating where we’ve ended up. I still miss Hawai’i and the friends I made there, but I realized that if I spent every minute of every day wishing I was back there, then I wouldn’t really be living my life. I decided I didn’t want to live life in the “I wishes” or “What ifs” and I decided to start living in the now. I’ve found myself being thankful that we left Hawai’i when we did because I would’ve been so heartbroken if our last few months there were spent in isolation because of this virus. It’s weird how things work out.
I’ve continued to train for triathlons even though I don’t know if there will ever be another race again. Ironman 70.3 World Championships in New Zealand (which I qualified for last year) has been postponed until 2021, but I don’t think it will actually happen and I’m coming to terms with that. Right now I’m just enjoying the training and enjoying being able to swim again after a 3-month hiatus.
It’s been super hot here in Jax lately but we had an amazingly beautiful winter and spring which helped me to fall in love with this place. Winter running here was awesome. Cool but not too cold. Perfection.
I feel like this post is a little all over the place but I wanted to give you all a life update. I’ve struggled with coming up with content over these past months because I felt like I always needed to come up with something profound or inspiring, but that’s a really quick way to get burned out. So for now I’m just updating you all on where I am and letting you know that I’m in a really good place. Sending love to all of you and many mahalos for reading! Stay safe out there! =)